The award-winning Hollywood actor, Will Smith has revealed in his new memoir Will that his father, Willard Carroll though present throughout his childhood, was an alcoholic who would regularly beat his mother.

My father was violent, but he was also at every game, play, and recital, wrote Will Smith

“When I was nine years old, I watched my father punch my mother in the side of the head so hard that she collapsed,” Smith writes. “I saw her spit blood. That moment in that bedroom, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am.”

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The Men in Black star continues to say that the incident haunted him, making him feel like he failed to stand up for his mother.

Nonetheless, he maintained a relationship with his father eventually caring for him when he was diagnosed with cancer. This, according to Smith, was when he considered killing him.

“One night, as I delicately wheeled [my father] from his bedroom toward the bathroom, a darkness arose within me,” he writes.

“The path between the two rooms goes past the top of the stairs. As a child I’d always told myself that I would one day avenge my mother. That when I was big enough, when I was strong enough, when I was no longer a coward, I would slay him.”

“I paused at the top of the stairs. I could shove him down, and easily get away with it,” he writes. “I’m Will Smith. No one would ever believe I killed my father on purpose. I’m one of the best actors in the world. My 911 call would be Academy Award level.”

“As the decades of pain, anger, and resentment coursed then receded, I shook my head and proceeded to wheel Daddio to the bathroom,” he adds.

Will Smith Sr. succumbed to his cancer in 2016.

“There is nothing that you can receive from the material world that will create inner peace or fulfillment,” Smith concludes. “In the end, it will not matter one single bit how well [people] loved you, you will only gain ‘the Smile’ based on how well you loved them,” he writes.