I had to leave: Pakistani-American Hamna Zafar escaped forced marriage to pursue dreams in America

At age 19, Hamna Zafar knew she would lose her family unless she agreed to an arranged marriage with her cousin in Pakistan. However, the dutiful daughter rebelled and opted to escape to a future in America. She is now serving in the US Air Force.

Recounting her journey to PEOPLE, Hamna says, “I always thought about my parents. I always thought about my family. I always thought about my sisters, but that night I thought about me.”

As a child, Hamna Zafar says, her parents didn’t mind her getting an education but insisted that she would eventually settle down as a wife and mother with a husband chosen by them.

“I was just expecting my family to kind of get used to the culture in the United States,” she says. “Growing up, they never really mentioned arranged marriage.”

That all changed when the college freshman went to visit Pakistan for a family trip in 2019, only to discover she was there for her engagement.
On her return to the U.S., Hamna tried to reason with her mom.

“My parents are very traditional and never adapted to American culture,” Hamna says. “That’s why they took me to Pakistan to get me engaged.”
When her parents learned of her plan to join the military to escape her fate, Hamna panicked.

“I was completely dependent on them,” Hamna says. “But I knew I had to leave.”

Her friend’s family sheltered her and they have been with her to date.

She knew that by taking that step, she would lose her extended family in Pakistan and that her parents would never forgive her — and deny her contact with her two beloved younger sisters.

It was a route that Hamna, who grew up in Maryland in an immigrant family, never thought she would have to take. An obedient child who got good grades, Hamna — who now spends her days protecting the base as an Air Force Security Defender — says she stayed close to home, cared for her sister with autism, and planned on starting a career after college.

Hamna shares that she faced a culture shock when she started training for the Air Force.

“I didn’t have any idea of what boot camp was going to look like. I watched a few videos to give myself an image of what was going to happen,” Hamna says. “It was definitely an eye-opening experience.”

The most difficult point for her was when she graduated from basic training and wanted her family to see her and all that she had accomplished. She says she has tried to contact her family many times, but they have not responded.

“I wanted them to be proud of me for who I am and share that with them,” Hamna says. “I really wanted them to see that their daughter has so much potential in her.”